at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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