i don't like sucking hair
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
