You're a womanizer and a bitch.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
