oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
