his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
