Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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