i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
