what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
