hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
