I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
