I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I just blew my weed a kiss
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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