I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
