You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
