She announced her abortion via fbk
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
