When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
