You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize