You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
