I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
