Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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