A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
