Kiss
Puke
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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