I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
