I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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