I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
