i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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