And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
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Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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