I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
