About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
