I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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