Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
