please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
