If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
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All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
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I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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