I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
