then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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