There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
