I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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