So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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