She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
