also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
