Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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