I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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