Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
