Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
