someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
