Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
