I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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