I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
