At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
