apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
