Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You made out with two different species that night
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
