i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
