Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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