Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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