It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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