1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
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No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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