I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
are you so shy because you have an std?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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