i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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