i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
