he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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