i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
