instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
