If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
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