I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
