if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
