i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
