I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
