Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
