Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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