i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
