he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
