I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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