someone threw a dead crab at me
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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