I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
