Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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